Tips for Single Mother's of Teenage Daughters

Ok Single Moms this one is for you.
Are you worried that your threats to teenage boys your daughters bring home aren't being taken seriously? Here are some tips for scaring him, weather you want to scare him just enough to be a gentleman or cause him to run off screaming!
First I must warn you that threatening another person with bodily harm or weapons is illegal and not recommended!
With that said let me begin by recommending the purchase of a pair of cows balls, these delightful little treats can be purchased at some meat markets or directly from a rancher. Once you have made the purchase take them home and place them in a mason jar of vinegar. While your daughter is getting ready for her date take these treats out of the back of the refrigerator and place them strategically on the coffee table right in front of where he will be setting while he waits. If he hasn't mentioned them after a few minutes say "Oh man I shouldn't leave (insert name of last known boyfriend here) balls out like that, he probably wouldn't appreciate others knowing that I have them!
Tip No. 2: Invent a believable but somewhat sensational story about doing time in prison, any visible scars you may have are helpful here, let them know that you were shanked but the other gal was carried out in a body bag or hurt beyond repair. This really works, they think man I don't want to mess with her daughter!
Tip No. 3: Put some vitamins in a prescription bottle and while setting there waiting with him gasp and say "Oh man I haven't taken my meds for a few days and the last time I did that I " pause here for effect then say "well never mind what I did I'm pretty sure (insert daughters name here) would never forgive me if you found out!" then smile a sinister smile.
These things do work, trust me I've used them all!!! The key is keeping a straight and unthreatening face while doing this, any giggles, smiles or threatening looks will make him not take you seriously!!!
Good Luck!!!